How To Pet My Peeves

Disclaimer: People who have known me for a long time know that this list is mostly in jest and also mostly true. So I guess it's a funny truth? Don't get offended. If I've ever said something that has been offensive to you I guarantee you I will be a repeat offender after this so just...okay?

So without further ado, and in no particular order, things that are annoying to me:

1. People who are off-put by this list.
2. People who take a shower but don't wash their hair.
3. Knuckle Cracking (!!!!)
4. People who sweat when they eat.
5. When the Asian nail tech talks to the other asians in the salon and you know (you just know) it's about you.
6. Girl's Camp Songs.
7. Flip Flops at church.
8. Hoodies at church.
9. Close talkers.
10. Unnecessary punctuation within a name.
11. "Uniquely" spelled names. Just stop.
12. Those who think "funner" is not a word.
13. People who say they have a "dry" sense of humor but in actuality just don't have a personality.
14. People who don't understand that I have a personality.. my sense of humor is just dry okay.
15. Shrillness, in almost any form.
16. Slow drivers.
17. Basically if I'm driving on the road and you are too, you're probably bugging me.
18. Spandex at Disneyland. (Usually found by the funnel cake and/or corn dog stands).
19. People who don't listen during the instructions and then promptly ask for clarification.
20. Dramatic LDS pop music.
21. Loud yawners.
22. Dating couples who try to pass off as married couples. Stop it.
23. People who don't kiss till they get married.
24. "Cool" moms.
25. People who don't take their screaming kids out of sacrament.

To be continued.

All The Really Cool Single Ladies

So by now I've pretty much solidified my stance on blogging (only posting when friends demand it of me). Thank you, Christina for striking fear into my heart of what might happen if I went much longer without posting something.

P.S. if you want to follow a super adorable and candid blog by a beautiful girl who has a gift for writing hilarious things... http://chrissyjohansen.blogspot.com/

You'll thank me, so you're welcome.

Anywayyyy. Right now I should definitely be studying for my MathEd 305 final or cleaning my house or out on a run or wearing super amazing J. Crew outfits or cooking a gourmet meal for my husband to come home to because that's what other wife bloggers are always doing! Right? (Haha blog humor). 

Instead I've found myself watching not one, but two episodes of Newlyweds the First Year on Oxygen. It's not even good. Actually it's pretty trashy. I hate myself? Okay the point is it has made me reflect on how truly awesome it has been to be married to this guy.

Not a humble brag. I'm going somewhere with this. We have a lot of great friends who are at the time in their life where they want to get married. And I can't blame them. It is pretty great and in our culture and where we live it's pretty much the singular crowning glory haha. Disclaimer: Yes I got married when I was 19 so maybe in the eyes of some people I lucked out and didn't realllly have to play the dating game (disagree) so maybe I should be the last person to give out dating advice? For what it's worth though here it is. 

Throughout conversations with the above-mentioned friends we've determined that one of the reasons there are so many unattached great people inexplicably wandering around single is that they're getting too wrapped up in the dating game. 

Dating Game example #1:

In this scenario we see a really great guy and girl act really stupid. Let's watch!

Awesome single guy: guy met girl through friends/at church/at work/it doesn't matter. He has been wanting to ask her out but wants to seem just aloof enough so he has waited for like 3 weeks. "Hey girl I'm interested in. Want to hang out?"

Cool Single Girl: girl thinks 'okay I'm interested in this guy. He's great and I'm really looking to get into a relationship and I've been wanting him to ask me to do something and I would love to see where this could go...' and yet she responds "Oh Hey! Well yeah I guess I could maybe do something sometime." Yes perfect. Act disinterested!

ASG: "How about Friday?"

CSG: thinks 'yeah I'm free Friday but I don't want him to think I'm available! I need to appear to be super busy. I'll tell him I'm going to a concert friday. No! I'm opening at a concert friday. No no no. I AM putting on a concert Friday. Yeah. I'm a musical superstar.. That's good. "Umm Friday isn't good. I have a thing..."Yes vague. Vague is always good. Keep them guessing.

ASG: "Oh okay another time." Well I can't offer Saturday instead. Then she'll think I don't have plans on either Friday OR Saturday and then she will think I am a Social Leper and then I might as well kill myself. Well, on to the next one!

We've all done it. Let's all think about this though. How did acting disinterested, too cool, too busy, too mysterious, etc., work out for these two? I know this is how it goes because I've watched friends painstakingly create the most overly cool, disinterested texts they could muster in the hopes of being just intriguing enough to get someone to notice them.. And it just doesn't work. 

More on this later. :)